Seriously, it is a "whole new world of healthcare" when I can go to the hospital emergency room, get seen within half an hour, pay twelve dollars for the visit, and five bucks for two prescriptions. "Delhi Belly" was back with a vengeance today, or some kind of wrong tummy with fever and chills, so my boss forced me to leave work and go to the ER at Columbia Asia Hospital. The fact that I got covered in mosquito bites while hanging my wet laundry to dry the other night didn't help my argument that I just needed some Tylenol, Immodium, and a nap. The hospital facilities were really nice, and everything seemed legit, except for the doctor's really bad B.O. They took a bunch of blood and are checking for Malaria, although I think I'm fine and that I would not be able to type right now if it was anything serious. But, luckily for me, going to the hospital here is no where near the nightmare of going to one at home. People have actually been shocked when I tell them how expensive health care is at home, and that I usually ask my parents for dentist or eye doctor visits as birthday and Channukah presents. In India, healthcare is not a luxury like it is in the States. You guys need to fix the healthcare system before I get back, or I may stay here forever.

The Lord's Day

Today was Sunday, and I actually didn't have to work!! So I treated myself to a facial at a nearby "Slimming and Beauty" center, and ended up walking out with an enormous and expensive package that should at least entertain me for a while, if not actually make me look any better. The facial was awesome - it lasted two hours, and included a massage, a steam machine, and a heated vibrating wand (ok, wand is a nice way to say what this thing was - I think they ordered from the Adam and Eve catalogue. But they only used it on my face,let's be clear about that). The only bad part of the facial was the part where they put a mashed up papaya all over me and made me lay there for twenty minutes. Have you ever smelled a papaya? A fresh one? It smells like vomit. Seriously. Cheese butt vomit. I don't know how I never realized my hatred of it before today.

Despite the papaya torture, I can't wait to go back! My package includes a bunch of facials, but the "slimming" part is what's going to be really funny. Basically, they are going to put me on a diet, and give me low-fat Indian recipes. This is going to be helpful, because I don't have access to the foods I normally eat or cook, and it's been really difficult to eat healthy stuff. But they also provide me with "Passive Activity" sessions three times a week! What is Passive Activity? Do you remember that machine from the 50's that was like a giant rubber band that went around someone and was attached to a machine that shook them really hard? Yeah, shit like that. They are also going to electrocute my muscles until the fat cowers and runs away on it's own. I realize that this is totally absurd and not going to actually do anything, but it sounds like a good time to me. I wish I could get them to videotape the sessions for you. I will keep you posted on how it is when I actually start going.

After my facial, I decided to take a walk across the Outer Ring Road to visit a nicer fruit and vegetable stand than the one on my side of the street. It's right by the Ganesh Temple, and I felt bad about the fact that I haven't posted pictures of something that is so cool and so close to my house! So, you can see him close up (weird lighting this afternoon), and from far away to get a sense of how ginormous a spectacle this is! I took a couple other pics while walking around, of Hindu god decor, since Sunday is at least some people's day of Lord-appreciation. The giant Shiva is not in my neighborhood, he's right by the office, but I had been meaning to upload him for a while.

"American Corn"

People here really seem to enjoy snacking on a tasty cup of hot, buttery corn. Not popcorn, mind you, corn corn. There are corn stands all over the place, all of which play up how "American" this corn is. I know we Americans do love our corn, but I think Indians eat a lot more of it on a daily basis (corn-syrup based shit aside). I told you, it even comes as a default topping on pizza (I think this should be outlawed)!!!! The corn stand corn IS pretty good - they toss the corn with butter and spices, and you get a variety of choices. I had "Masala" corn last week, which was hot as hell. Today I had "Mexican" flavored corn, which was less hot, but tasted exactly the same (despite a totally different description of spice ingredients). A corn cup costs approximately .60 cents, btw, which is actually kind of expensive (for comparison's sake, my dinner tonight - entree, salad, and bread, plus tip and delivery cost a total of $2 dollars.)

I think I'm blogging about corn because I don't really feel like blogging about how my debit card info got stolen and how someone charged a bunch of shit on it, or how my bank account has now been frozen, or how I had to get money advanced to me at work because I have to wait for a new debit card to come from the States, or how I don't have an Indian bank account yet because everything here takes FOREVER to accomplish. This is much more important than corn, but also much more upsetting. Mom, if you're reading this, stop freaking out. I'm fine. I have plenty of corn to eat at the very least.

Best Tattoo Ever!

I came across this remarkable piece of artwork tonight while researching Bangalore tattoo parlors. At first, I was thinking that this place should be avoided at all costs, but the more I look at this fucking thing, the more obsessed with it I become. It really makes me laugh. I think that I should go there and have them recreate it exactly.

Dark Blurry Pictures

After spending the whole day inside feeling sorry for myself, I was lucky enough to get invited by Ben and Mithun to a house party! I had no idea what to expect, but was pleasantly surprised when we arrived and entered a totally darkened house, illuminated only by candles, with a full DJ set-up in the living room! We ate incredible (and REALLY spicy!) homemade Indian food,I learned some new dance moves,and had an unexpectedly fantastic 4th of July!

Technology is Magic!

Happy Fourth of July! I'm really homesick today, and stuck inside working instead of frolicking around dodging firework shrapnel, so I'm a little saddish. But I am super excited because I bought an online phone number through Skype with a local Philly number - so you can call me with your normal phone without long-distance charges, and if I am at home, my computer will ring like a phone and we can talk! It's only 7am back home, so I called the one person I know I can wake up without angering, and I can confirm that this totally works and is amazing!!

Here is my new "phone" number: 267-296-4616. Save it so you'll know it's me when I call you, and call me up to try it out! I feel much better now. :)

Blackouts and "White Beauty"

I feel bad that I haven't posted in a while, but we've had scheduled power outages for the past week that conveniently begin just as I am arriving home from work at night! After the first two or three nights of sitting alone in total darkness, I walked through the pitch black streets to the store and bought myself a candle. I've actually gotten pretty good at cooking dinner in the dark, and my candlelight dinners have been kind of romantic. But I'm really wishing for rain right now, because despite the fact that it is technically the start of monsoon season, we are actually experiencing a drought. And since our electricity is largely hydro-powered, the lack of rain means scheduled blackouts to conserve energy. The whole lack of electricity thing is getting kind of boring.

This past weekend, when I did have plenty of electricity, I watched a little bit of television again. I get 800 channels for three dollars a month, so even though I rarely watch TV, it seems kind of worth it. Ben came over and made me watch the U.S. play Brazil in some big soccer tournament, and I watched a couple of movies on HBO, sadly noting that they cut out all of the nudity and doin' it. They also show a bazillion commercials, most of which are for skin lightening creams! It seems as though every single cosmetic product boasts fairness-enhancing properties, and major brands we have in the U.S., like Ponds and L'Oreal, apparently have lines of skin care products that are marketed directly to Indians, with horribly offensive names like "White Beauty" and "White Perfect." It blows my mind that in a country of people who seem really into being Indian and who have a beautiful variety of skin tones, white is still considered the most beautiful. And while I rarely see people in real life trying to emulate the dress or physique that the media portrays as attractive, EVERYONE is buying lightening products! And putting white powder on their faces for photos! The commercials are unbelievable - you have to watch this. Tell me if my interpretation is wrong, but the gist of the ad is that this chick's boyfriend dumps her for a whiter-looking lady, and the darker chick is sad and realizes that she needs to buy Pond's White Beauty. I am really loving India, but I do not approve of this. At all.

I do approve of goats riding in taxis, though, and I saw one today, but it went past too quickly for me to get a photo. Also, a guy at work told me that he has some baby cows in his yard whose mother was kidnapped, and I kind of want to adopt one as a pet and feed it milk out of a baby bottle.

But this cow beat me up two weeks ago, so it's probably not a good idea. Cows can be total assholes.

I miss Mongo really badly. And you, too. You people need to write me more often. And download Skype, damnit, so that we can video chat!!