Light.....and darkness

The weekend began on a good note - Diwali started, and Tim and I accepted an invitation to celebrate with my co-worker Viny and her boyfriend Farouk. The rickshaw ride to Viny's apartment was almost terrifying,as our driver had to dodge exploding firecrackers and showers of flaming bits of paper in addition to the usual anarchy of traffic and stray animals. When we arrived, Viny's small street was like a war zone, blasts and flames making it difficult to even get to her door. Once inside, we were treated to crunchy sev mix and traditional sweets, and I settled in to what I thought would be a relaxing evening of conversation. Ten minutes later, Farouk had convinced Tim to hop on the back of his motorcycle and go buy firecrackers of our own, from one of the many firework stalls set up all around the city. They came back bearing an arsenal - sparklers, mini crackers, giant, deafening crackers the size of sausages, "flower pots," rockets, round coils that spin around on the ground spraying sparks....basically, enough loud, firey goodness to convince me that someone was going to lose at least a finger. Luckily, there were no injuries, and even the small, unattended children whose antics had me continously cringing through the night appeared to go unscathed. Those of you without Facebook can view our pictures here.
Then yesterday I found out that my Dad is in the hospital with congestive heart failure. I've talked to him, and he claims to be fine, and doesn't want me to come home. But I'm worried and I suddenly feel the distance between Bangalore and Philadelphia more acutely than I have in all these months of being away. I wonder what the hell I am doing here, in this chaos and filth, this place full of frustrations and staring strangers..... If it weren't for these guys, the people I work with, I might have come back months ago. I feel paralyzed with indecision - should I stay or should I go? If I come home to visit, will I be able to leave again and go back to India? I'm not sure what to do right now.....just waiting to see how he is and trying to send good thoughts 8,000 miles across the world. I love you, Catman.