Best Night EVER!

Nipple Condensation??!?!

So, the grocery store is still a terrible place to buy food, but apparently it is THE place to go for your nipple needs. I don't know what " pink nipple condensation" is, or whether this product promotes or eliminates it, but since it's an "American technical prescription" made from "raccoon dog oil," I had to buy it. Not sure about actually using it, but it has a nice home for the time being on my bathroom shelf.

Main Talli Ho Gayi

This song is constantly playing on the radio. In case you can't tell from the swigging/belly rubbing dance moves, it's basically all about getting drunk. And since most "nice" Indian girls don't drink, it's also supposed to be somewhat scandalous, which is a big draw for me. The best part is when the dude in the sunglasses shows up and busts a move. I'm going to try to post more music videos as I learn the name of songs.



Also, and more importantly, one of my neighbors is now keeping a large monkey in a cage in their driveway! I saw it and it looked at me. Don't worry, I will try to get a picture of this next time I walk by. It was too dark last night when we first met.

Mamta and Deb Play Dress Up

My friend Mamta is sleeping over tonight, so we got out that Saree I bought when I first got here, and she dressed me up! Sarees may be pretty, but they are really hard to walk in. And climb stairs in. And basically do anything in - I didn't even bother trying to pee, but I'm sure I would have required assistance, and poor Mamta doesn't know me that well. Yet.






Mama was yelling at me to stop fucking up my saree....

Seriously, it is a "whole new world of healthcare" when I can go to the hospital emergency room, get seen within half an hour, pay twelve dollars for the visit, and five bucks for two prescriptions. "Delhi Belly" was back with a vengeance today, or some kind of wrong tummy with fever and chills, so my boss forced me to leave work and go to the ER at Columbia Asia Hospital. The fact that I got covered in mosquito bites while hanging my wet laundry to dry the other night didn't help my argument that I just needed some Tylenol, Immodium, and a nap. The hospital facilities were really nice, and everything seemed legit, except for the doctor's really bad B.O. They took a bunch of blood and are checking for Malaria, although I think I'm fine and that I would not be able to type right now if it was anything serious. But, luckily for me, going to the hospital here is no where near the nightmare of going to one at home. People have actually been shocked when I tell them how expensive health care is at home, and that I usually ask my parents for dentist or eye doctor visits as birthday and Channukah presents. In India, healthcare is not a luxury like it is in the States. You guys need to fix the healthcare system before I get back, or I may stay here forever.

The Lord's Day

Today was Sunday, and I actually didn't have to work!! So I treated myself to a facial at a nearby "Slimming and Beauty" center, and ended up walking out with an enormous and expensive package that should at least entertain me for a while, if not actually make me look any better. The facial was awesome - it lasted two hours, and included a massage, a steam machine, and a heated vibrating wand (ok, wand is a nice way to say what this thing was - I think they ordered from the Adam and Eve catalogue. But they only used it on my face,let's be clear about that). The only bad part of the facial was the part where they put a mashed up papaya all over me and made me lay there for twenty minutes. Have you ever smelled a papaya? A fresh one? It smells like vomit. Seriously. Cheese butt vomit. I don't know how I never realized my hatred of it before today.

Despite the papaya torture, I can't wait to go back! My package includes a bunch of facials, but the "slimming" part is what's going to be really funny. Basically, they are going to put me on a diet, and give me low-fat Indian recipes. This is going to be helpful, because I don't have access to the foods I normally eat or cook, and it's been really difficult to eat healthy stuff. But they also provide me with "Passive Activity" sessions three times a week! What is Passive Activity? Do you remember that machine from the 50's that was like a giant rubber band that went around someone and was attached to a machine that shook them really hard? Yeah, shit like that. They are also going to electrocute my muscles until the fat cowers and runs away on it's own. I realize that this is totally absurd and not going to actually do anything, but it sounds like a good time to me. I wish I could get them to videotape the sessions for you. I will keep you posted on how it is when I actually start going.

After my facial, I decided to take a walk across the Outer Ring Road to visit a nicer fruit and vegetable stand than the one on my side of the street. It's right by the Ganesh Temple, and I felt bad about the fact that I haven't posted pictures of something that is so cool and so close to my house! So, you can see him close up (weird lighting this afternoon), and from far away to get a sense of how ginormous a spectacle this is! I took a couple other pics while walking around, of Hindu god decor, since Sunday is at least some people's day of Lord-appreciation. The giant Shiva is not in my neighborhood, he's right by the office, but I had been meaning to upload him for a while.

"American Corn"

People here really seem to enjoy snacking on a tasty cup of hot, buttery corn. Not popcorn, mind you, corn corn. There are corn stands all over the place, all of which play up how "American" this corn is. I know we Americans do love our corn, but I think Indians eat a lot more of it on a daily basis (corn-syrup based shit aside). I told you, it even comes as a default topping on pizza (I think this should be outlawed)!!!! The corn stand corn IS pretty good - they toss the corn with butter and spices, and you get a variety of choices. I had "Masala" corn last week, which was hot as hell. Today I had "Mexican" flavored corn, which was less hot, but tasted exactly the same (despite a totally different description of spice ingredients). A corn cup costs approximately .60 cents, btw, which is actually kind of expensive (for comparison's sake, my dinner tonight - entree, salad, and bread, plus tip and delivery cost a total of $2 dollars.)

I think I'm blogging about corn because I don't really feel like blogging about how my debit card info got stolen and how someone charged a bunch of shit on it, or how my bank account has now been frozen, or how I had to get money advanced to me at work because I have to wait for a new debit card to come from the States, or how I don't have an Indian bank account yet because everything here takes FOREVER to accomplish. This is much more important than corn, but also much more upsetting. Mom, if you're reading this, stop freaking out. I'm fine. I have plenty of corn to eat at the very least.